Still praying for the American dream? Here’s a wake-up call to stop the nightmares

Once upon a time there was a great nation. It led the world in democracy, innovation and apple pie. It preached decency, family values and personal freedom. It helped smaller nations, promoted free enterprise and encouraged individuals to be the best they could be. It was loved; it was respected; it was admired. Its name was America.

How do you begin to revitalize a nation that’s been brought to its knees? How do you change a collective mindset cemented by centuries of dysfunction? You look at the symptoms, find the underlying cause and correct the problem at source. And, ideally, you have a powerful, honest man at the top to lead the way. Debt, divorce, depression, abuse, addiction, obesity, poverty and war are the glaring symptoms of a race that has failed to fully understand or empower itself. And if we are disempowered as individuals, driven largely by fear, need and despair, how can our nation be anything but dysfunctional?

With the election of Mr Obama, Americans have a wonderful opportunity to say goodbye to dysfunction and fear-mongering—in government and in their personal lives. More than just a politician, Mr Obama has shown himself to be an exceptional human being who embodies the wisdom, integrity, charisma and authenticity so lacking in American politics and life. He’s a glaring reminder of just how far America has strayed from what is right and good; he’s a man who believes in himself and in his ability to do something extraordinary; and he’s a symbol of hope and optimism in a disempowered nation.

It’s an inside job

Most Americans have been disempowered since birth. They’ve been programmed to think of the world as a competitive place. They’ve been taught that they’re at the mercy of circumstances, that there’s no free lunch, that life is a lottery, and that they’re not worthy, acceptable, lovable or beautiful enough to create what they want. We’ve ALL been programmed that way. We’re not taught that we’re powerful human beings; we’re not taught self-mastery; and we’re certainly not taught that the true source of our problems and our power is in our subconscious minds. Instead, we’re taught to fear, fight, litigate, go to war, and exploit others’ weaknesses in order to get what we want because, deep down, we don’t believe ourselves to be worthy.

The fears, insecurities and negative beliefs passed on to us by parents and society make us victims in a seemingly random world, oblivious to our power. This negative programming robs us of our self-worth, thwarts our potential, distorts our sense of self and crushes our dreams. Most importantly, it determines our circumstances. Only when we understand how our programming causes us to attract the outward manifestations of our fears and low self-worth can we take control of our lives. Only then do we realize that we are the real originators of the scenarios, dynamics and drama that we call life.

The programming conundrum

While it may be hard to believe that your programming could possibly determine your circumstances, it could be the most liberating piece of news you’ve heard this decade. When we understand the power and purpose of our subconscious programming, we can break free of struggle, hardship and self-defeat. We can get our lives—and our nation—powerfully back on track. The problem is not out there in the shaky stock exchange or in the rising price of oil; these are just the symptoms of our dysfunction, not the cause. The problem and the solution lie deep within each one of us. When we realize that our programming determines how much love, money, ease, success and fulfilment we have, we can start to take charge of our lives.

Taking responsibility for our lives means taking responsibility for our bodies and our minds—where all the action is. We need to learn how our bodies work and understand what they’re trying to tell us when we get sick; we need to delve more deeply into our minds to cultivate the discipline and determination required for healing; and, most importantly, we need to identify and transform the negative subconscious programming that has been running—and ruining—our lives. But transforming our negative programming is not about having good intentions or thinking positively. It’s about demonstrating whatever qualities we failed to have nourished in us as children—qualities such as acceptance, respect, validation and trust. When we take actions that demonstrate strong self-worth, we change our negative programming and, consequently, our negative circumstances. No one can prove this to you, and most people will dismiss the idea as absurd; but you can prove it to yourself and, if you do, you’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

Who’s in charge of your dream?

America’s current crisis shows us how far we are from living the real ‘American dream’—a life of harmony, financial prosperity, loving relationships and professional success. Making that dream a reality requires an individual commitment to greater self-awareness and self-responsibility. If every individual took responsibility for their fears, beliefs and actions, rather than being driven by collective insecurity and hopelessness, America could truly become the super-power it has always claimed to be. Health-care systems are failing to meet our needs because we are meant to be masters of our own bodies, not dependent upon outside expertise. Our deteriorating environment is a reflection of our internal neglect, with the dumping of our toxic emotions every bit as damaging and prevalent as the dumping of toxic wastes. We are meant to take charge of our own lives, our own bodies and our fragile environment—not just take a pill, defer the responsibility or hide out in hopelessness.

Americans may like to think in terms of democracy and freedom, yet most live in fear of attack from other nations and/or from people in their own neighbourhood; and they fear not being acceptable to their partner, boss or others. Fear is the direct result of negative programming and it fosters dysfunction. Look at the average relationship and you’ll see degrees of control, co-dependence, emotional or physical abuse, manipulation, resentment and blame. You may despair of ever having the love or life that you want, but every challenge you face is designed to trigger your negative programming and show you what’s missing inside. When you take practical steps to fill in the qualities you’ve been missing in your relationships (such as acceptance, respect and trust), you will start to attract those very same qualities in your life. Relationships are where we get to practise being human and fully empowered. They are the key to us becoming whole and fulfilled.

Micro/macro healing

Healing within and between nations requires healing at the personal level. Everything around us changes when we change ourselves. If we cultivate strong self-worth, while practising self-respect, personal responsibility and integrity in our relationships, we will begin to experience these values in our relationships, our community and our world. Once we recognize dysfunction in our own words or actions, we can recognize it in others and take steps to change things. Becoming empowered in our own lives is the key to building a truly empowered nation.

The basic principle of personal empowerment underpins everything we do, whether we realize it or not: we attract whatever circumstances we need to come face to face with ourselves so that we can figure out who we really are. Whether we attracted President Bush or the girl next door, it’s all the same thing. Others show us who we subconsciously think we are; they reflect back to us the dysfunction created by our negative programming; and they challenge us to be human, in a world where everything tends to disconnect us from our hearts and our ability to make a difference. The bombardment of e-mails, the distractions of cell phones, the mind-numbing commute to and from work, the lure of technology, the pain of abusive relationships, the hype and drama of the media, and the frantic pace of everyday living—all keep us stuck in survival mode. In the midst of all that, can you even begin to care if street children are gunned down in Guatemala, if thousands are made homeless by floods in Asia, or if your 80-year-old neighbour sits alone in the dark after losing his wife of 50 years?

President Bush showed us what was wrong with our world—inside and out. Mr Obama represents the positive end of the spectrum, demonstrating the greater power of human decency, integrity and strong self-worth. We count on him to lead with wisdom and awareness, but he can only do so effectively if Americans become leaders in their own lives too. When we take responsibility for our relationships, our dysfunction and our fears, we can generate the success and fulfilment we desire. Empowerment happens one mindful, responsible step at a time. It’s not just about who we elect; it’s about who we elect to be.

Olga Sheean is a relationship and personal empowerment coach who uses muscle-testing to identify and address the subconscious programming that runs our lives. She is the author of Fit for Love – find your self and your perfect mate, and the creator of DiscoverYou, an e-course in self-mastery. For more info: www.olgasheean.com

Empowerment in recession: get the message and thrive

Does your spine tingle with dread when the post arrives? Is your credit card red-hot from constant use? Do you have nightmares about queuing for the dole? If the current economic crisis has fanned your financial fears into full-blown panic, then it’s time to take a look at what’s really going on.

In a crisis like this, we blame the banks, bad investments and dodgy government. We feel powerless, angry and resentful about what’s been done to us, beyond our control. But what we don’t realise is that the real culprit lies much closer to home. It’s buried deep inside each one of us and it’s causing us to attract very specific challenges, with a very particular purpose in mind. It determines how much money, success and fulfillment we have in life and it operates completely under cover, without our knowledge or permission. If you want to resolve your money issues, once and for all, you must go and find this part of yourself and have a serious talk with it.

Your subconscious is the part of you that you’re least likely to meet, without a formal introduction, and yet most need to meet because it’s running your life. While it’s the last place you’d think of looking for a solution to your financial problems, it’s the source of every conflict, challenge and crisis you’ve ever faced. Confronting it and understanding how it works could be the most lucrative, life-changing thing you ever do.

The power of your programming

While you were still in nappies, your subconscious was busy absorbing the negative beliefs, fears and insecurities of your parents, teachers and whatever religion you happened to be born into. This negative programming creates a deep-seated unworthiness that prevents us from being fully ourselves or from believing we can have what we want in life. Just how worthy or acceptable we subconsciously believe ourselves to be determines our quality of life. It’s not just in our heads; our subconscious literally causes us to attract very specific circumstances, in accordance with how it’s been programmed.

Take Martin, for example. Married with three children, he recently lost his job as a software salesman. His wife, Terrie, has a part-time job but doesn’t earn enough to support them all. Martin was angry and frustrated. “What did I do to deserve this?” he said. “I’ve been a dedicated employee for that company for 15 years and they’d no right to do this to me.” Martin did nothing to deserve this—consciously, at least. Subconsciously, however, this crisis has been brewing inside him for years.

The dynamics in Martin’s life provide the clues to what’s been going on beneath the surface. He’s overweight, with high cholesterol and high blood pressure. He spends all his time catering to his family or doing his boss’s bidding, working long hours and often making last-minute trips across the country to make a sale. He never takes time for himself, rarely exercises, eats on the run and is constantly stressed.

Martin grew up in an abusive environment. His father was an alcoholic and his mother never had the backbone or self-esteem to stand up to the abuse. Martin learned that life was risky, you had to watch your back, and you had to work hard to stay out of harm’s way. He was never praised at school and he never learned healthy self-acceptance or
-respect. He was never taught to put himself first or to go for what he wanted. As a result, Martin never felt worthy of ease or success, and he acted accordingly—putting everyone’s needs before his own, working too hard, juggling crises, etc. What he failed to realise was that his early negative programming was generating challenges designed to trigger his low self-worth so that, ideally, he could change his negative programming and, consequently, change his circumstances.

For Martin, this meant finding practical ways of building strong self-acceptance—the key to lasting prosperity and fulfillment. It meant putting himself first in healthy ways; taking time out to eat well and go to the gym; saying no to compromises, demands or anything that didn’t feel good; having healthy boundaries with his wife and children and allowing them to take more responsibility for themselves; expressing his opinions, sharing his feelings and generally starting to live life on his terms. By demonstrating greater self-acceptance and self-respect, Martin started to attract much more positive dynamics into his life. He’s just had a promising job offer and his relationship with his wife and children has improved dramatically. Six months ago, he’d have scoffed at the idea that he could have caused his redundancy. Now, he sees the positive impact of changing his negative programming and he’s beginning to understand that a part of him has been in charge all along; he just didn’t know how it operated or what it was trying to tell him.

Money is a measure of how well we’re operating as human beings. Whatever financial problems you have reflect the parts of your negative programming that are asking to be addressed. The economic crisis may look as if it’s someone else’s fault, but if you’re personally affected by it, there’s something you’re being called upon to do—and no one else can do it for you.

Whether you’ve lost your job or lost money you’d invested, your circumstances reflect your particular ‘missing pieces’. These are the essential formative qualities—such as acceptance, trust, respect, validation and support—that we need to experience as children in order to be whole, but often fail to learn because our parents had these same missing pieces themselves.

Our ‘missing pieces’ determine how we act, the choices we make, how successful we become, and how fulfilled and happy we are. They also cause us to hide certain parts of ourselves for fear of rejection, to suppress our individuality, to deny our value, to diminish our creativity and, most frustrating of all, to attract problems and crises that ultimately leave us feeling defeated and hopeless.

Finding the missing pieces of the puzzle …and filling them in

Identifying and decoding your subconscious programming can be a slippery process, since it’s beyond your awareness. Transforming it can be daunting, too, because it means challenging some of the beliefs that have shaped your life. But disregarding it generates dysfunctional relationships, struggle, conflict, debt, depression, ill-health, compromise and diminished potential, without you ever knowing why. At the very least, you will fail to be personally fulfilled in your life.

We all have three or four main ‘missing pieces’ and our circumstances are usually the only way that we discover what they are, or that we are incomplete in some way. When we identify and fill in our missing pieces, we can break out of self-defeating cycles and turn our lives around.

Identifying and filling in your missing pieces is the key to having the financial abundance and security that you want. The more you fill them in, the more complete you’ll be and the more you’ll experience these same qualities in your life.

To identify your missing pieces, ask yourself these questions:

1. What qualities have been missing for you in your relationships? Your answer might be acceptance, support, trust, honesty, communication, commitment, intimacy or any other form of human interaction that’s an expression of love. When you identify what’s been missing (even if it looks as if it’s your partner’s ‘fault’), you will have identified your own missing pieces.

2. How have you been perpetuating these missing pieces yourself? If acceptance is a missing piece, for example, ask yourself if you’ve been putting others’ needs first, making compromises that don’t feel good, holding back a part of yourself from your partner or friends, or putting yourself down, deflecting compliments, not allowing others to give to you or rejecting yourself in some way. All these behaviours demonstrate a lack of self-acceptance, perpetuating a pattern of self-rejection that’s guaranteed to bring you precisely what you don’t want.

Are you human? Take the test

The Humanity Index

The Humanity Index is a way to gauge your willingness and capacity to be a decent, fully functioning, powerful human being — with a sense of humour and with the magnetism to attract what you want. It will provide a measure of how engaged you are in life, how committed you are to being fully you, and how much you believe in your ability to make a difference.

(If you’re too jaded to fill it out, or if you just can’t find the time because you’ve got 5,000 friends on Facebook, 1.5 million people following you on Twitter, and a dinner date with your pet goldfish, then you might want to consider just how meaningful your life is - and whether anyone really cares how chummy you are with everyone from The Secret.)

Integrity

-Are you true to yourself—speaking and acting in alignment with your values and beliefs?

Usually - 3 Sometimes - 2 Rarely - 1 Never - 0

Compassion

- Do you feel compassion for others and act on it in practical ways, taking time to listen/provide support?

Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely -1 Never - 0

Honesty

-Do you express what’s in your heart and tell the whole story (not just the ‘safe’ bits)?

Often – 3 Sometimes – 2 Rarely -1 Never - 0

Commitment

-Are you fully committed to being the best that you can be, actively doing your utmost to realize your dreams, and to staying healthy, fit and engaged in life?

Always – 3 Sometimes – 2 Rarely -1 Never - 0

Intuition

-Are you connected to your gut instincts and do you trust/act on them in all important decisions?

Always – 3 Sometimes – 2 Rarely -1 Never – 0

Generosity

-Do you give money to support your community and give to the homeless/selected charities, spontaneously and with an open heart?
Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely – 1 Never - 0

Creativity

-Do you explore and engage in creative activities that inspire you and feed your passions?

Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely – 1 Never - 0

Friendships

-Do you take time to cultivate friendships, without being needy or a pleaser?
Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely – 1 Never - 0

Relationships

-Are your relationships based on trust, respect, healthy self-acceptance and understanding?

Yes – 3 Sometimes – 2 Rarely – 1 Never - 0

Self-expression

-Do you openly and confidently express yourself verbally, creatively and in the way you dress?

Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely – 1 Never - 0

Love

-Are you connected to your feelings and fully able to connect with others by expressing and receiving affection and intimacy, and by sharing the deepest parts of you (the good, the bad and the ugly)?

Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely – 1 Never - 0

Self-responsibility

-Do you take responsibility for your emotions, reactions, actions and circumstances, regardless of whether others blame bad luck, politicians, the economy or any other ‘outside’ force?

Always – 3 Sometimes – 2 Rarely -1 Never - 0


Your rating on the Humanity Index

If you scored 30-36 points:

You’re almost angelic and an inspiration to humanity. You have exceptional magnetism and can effortlessly attract and create amazing things in life. Consequently, it makes no sense to disperse your energies on things you’re not passionate about; focus instead on what fills you with joy. You are a natural leader and a mentor. You could be using your wisdom and awareness with young people, if you’re not already, and this would bring you great fulfillment. Deepening your emotional and spiritual connection to yourself and to others is likely to be the most rewarding pursuit for you—but don’t forget to include large doses of fun and laughter.


If you scored 18-29 points:

You’re unsure of yourself and your role here on Earth. You blow hot and cold when it comes to personal and/or professional commitment. Because of this, you experience patchy success and fulfillment – attracting some great stuff but also some real downers, which keeps you stuck in unrewarding cycles. You have significant skills and would do well to focus on solidifying your personal boundaries so that you become more fully defined as an individual—and more magnetic, as a result. Avoid making any choices based on fear; say no to anything that feels wrong and only say yes to things or people that feel really good. You would also greatly benefit from exploring your creativity more deeply. (You’ve really only skimmed the surface – being careful and playing ‘safe’.) Delve more deeply, challenge yourself and play more; your creativity is the key to you thriving. Acting, working with children, or being a Big Brother/Sister would also help you to solidify the emotionally wobbly parts of yourself.

If you scored 10-17 points:

You are only partially activated as a human being and have great difficulty attracting or connecting with good stuff in your life. You need to come out of your self-absorbed little shell and start interacting with the rest of humanity. Your magnetism is barely registering, but only because you’ve kept yourself turned down so low. Increase the volume, speak up, show up, dress up, wake up! It’s all up from here, for you. Focus on giving to others and see how it feels when you allow yourself to be generous, present or simply open to being liked. Breathe more and move your body. You’re like an iceberg, with only a tiny percentage of yourself visible or available to others (or yourself). But even icebergs thaw with a little consistent warmth. Get active, join a club, volunteer at your community centre, take up singing—and you just might be surprised to find that there’s a worthy, lovable human being in there (somewhere).

If you scored 0-9 points:

Hello? Is there anybody there? HELLO??? Anybody? Mmmmm... I guess not.

Can you choose?

It’s impossible to absorb or process all the numerous e-mails, invitations, blogs and messages that we receive, and most of us don’t try. But what if there were a greater, collective purpose to it all than we think? What if the overwhelm itself were the key issue of our times?

Where we’re coming from

We’re moving from an era of institutionalized thinking, wherein we’re told what to think and believe (by parents, teachers, religion), how to address particular problems (whether it’s through litigation, mediation or manipulation), and who to see if we’re sick (such as doctors, psychiatrists, etc), to an era of free choice, whereby we, as individuals, must decide what’s best for us and what we need to know in order to make healthy choices and decisions.

The challenge of personal choice

With the Internet, we have all the information and resources we need at our fingertips. But most of us have never been taught how to actively choose what’s best for us, since the mentality, up to now, has been one of deference to authority and reliance on experts to tell us how to proceed. We expect doctors to fix us when we’re sick; we expect therapists to help us understand and process our thoughts and feelings; we expect politicians to fix the economy; and we defer to lawyers, philosophers and even psychics for help in resolving challenges or conflict.

Why are we overwhelmed?

When we’re faced with all the options available to us via the Net, how can we begin to know what’s best for us or how to make healthy choices? We’re challenged not just to make the most appropriate decisions for our personal and professional needs, but also to focus on what truly serves us and frees us up to live better lives. The ability to make healthy boundaries is a key requirement in this new mode of operation. Without it, we quickly become dispersed and mentally/emotionally fragmented. By getting caught up in the plethora of options and the vast amount of data constantly coming at us, we’re missing the point.

What IS the point?

Choice, discernment and focus: these are the keys to surviving – and thriving – in our Internet-driven world, if we’re to stay sane and on track with our lives. And learning how to process our choices through our bodies, rather than our minds, is a skill that’s invaluable for anyone who truly wants to take charge of themselves and their lives.

Why our hearts ache

Lewis and I have just returned from the funeral of a 21-year-old who died tragically and unexpectedly, a few days ago. He was the son of my dearest and oldest friend, here in Ireland, and his death has devastated us. At the funeral service, the minister reminded us that we rarely realize the depth of our love until the loved one is separated from us. It became clear, during the service, that many of us were also unaware of this young man’s gifts, depth and creativity. He was a talented musician; many beautiful poems and songs were discovered on his computer; he cared deeply about the environment; he was mature beyond his years, aware and sensitive to the world around him. His loss seemed all the greater as we came to know these special aspects of him only on the day of his death and only because of his death.

We all know how tragedy breaks open our hearts and prompts us to connect with others in a profoundly authentic, raw and honest way. Yet we seem to need constant reminding of this painful fact – perhaps because we don’t realize just how closed our hearts have become until they are broken open by something too awful for us to contain.

Today was a particularly devastating reminder of this for me. Having returned to Ireland after living most of my life overseas, I reconnected with friends and extended family – some of whom I hadn’t seen for 30 years. The open-armed welcomes I received were enough to get me crying all over again. While I know, in my mind, that relationships are the only truly rewarding and fulfilling things in our lives, I hope that my heart won’t forget the power of loving connectedness that I experienced today.

YOUMEUS, our social network all about relationships, now has 100 members (YOUMEUS.ning.com). We are all gifted and special in many ways, and also full of hidden talents and depth. I hope that all of you will find something touching and worthwhile in this network to inspire you in your relationships – and to remind you that there’s really nothing more important than our connections with each other. Yet we all keep parts of ourselves hidden and unexpressed. Don’t wait for something tragic to prompt you to say or do something daringly loving, and to share a deeper part of yourself. Do it today, right now, if you can.

Are you powerful in relationships?

You may tend to think of power as something that you demonstrate in your work or in the decisions you make about money, investments or career. But personal, intimate relationships are, I believe, where we have the greatest opportunities to express and explore our power as individuals. Yet relationships are also where we tend to feel more vulnerable and consequently less willing to reveal the very parts of us that usually touch and affect others most profoundly.


Most people feel more competent and on more solid ground when it comes to work and their professional or intellectual skills. This is the realm of the mind, rather than the heart, and it’s where we are taught to focus most of our energies in order to survive, cope and compete in the world. We are not, sadly, taught how to process our emotions or how to express ourselves authentically, openly and honestly. So when our deeper emotions are triggered, as in intimate relationships, we come face to face with all our insecurities and issues around self-acceptance, self-worth and self-expression. And it is these issues that, ironically, both uniquely define us and keep us stuck, since our insecurities usually represent the flip side to our greatest strengths. So if, for example, self-expression is a wobbly area for you, it will almost certainly turn out to be where you find your greatest fulfillment, once you find practical ways to address the insecurity and start expressing yourself verbally, physically, creatively and in the way you dress or present yourself to the world.


If our hearts are wobbly and we fear rejection, we cannot be truly ourselves or truly powerful in our relationships. One, in fact, always leads to the other; when we’re being fully ourselves, we are powerful. Not being ourselves usually means that we’re keeping certain seemingly weak or unattractive parts of ourselves hidden, and we’re distorting ourselves in the hope of being more loved and accepted by our partner.

>Unfortunately, the very things we do to try to gain greater acceptance are the very things that ultimately destroy the relationship because they are based on need, not love. The need for acceptance from others not only pushes people away but also prevents us from focussing on (or even becoming aware of) the power that comes from us expressing all that we are—the good, the bad and the ugly. Sharing our deepest wounds can create deep intimacy in any relationship because it requires authenticity, raw honesty and a willingness to really be seen. And there are few things more powerful than raw passion and honesty in humans. Expressing our fears and owning our insecurities and self-doubts is a demonstration of strength and strong self-worth.

When we come from the heart and are emotionally open (even if we still have unresolved issues), we tend to be much more magnetic and attractive to others. After all, it’s only when we fully show up that we can be fully seen and understood in all our wonderful complexity.

One of the benefits of being powerful in relationships (apart from having a much deeper, more loving and meaningful connection with your partner) is that there are numerous positive spinoffs that unfold, as a result, in all the other areas of your life. Relationships are where we get to practise being human and being uniquely ourselves; but the rewards come not just in the form of more love and affection, but also in the form of money, abundance, opportunities and fulfillment.

Relationships enable us to discover who we are, where we’re wobbly and what it takes for us to become strong and whole as individuals. Our partners reflect back to us those parts of ourselves that require our loving attention so that we can, with sufficient awareness and daring, overcome the resistance we have to being more fully ourselves and to being powerful where it counts the most—from our hearts.

You're not REALLY going to let another V Day go by without reading THE book, are you? Fit for Love - find your self and your perfect mate.