Why our hearts ache

Lewis and I have just returned from the funeral of a 21-year-old who died tragically and unexpectedly, a few days ago. He was the son of my dearest and oldest friend, here in Ireland, and his death has devastated us. At the funeral service, the minister reminded us that we rarely realize the depth of our love until the loved one is separated from us. It became clear, during the service, that many of us were also unaware of this young man’s gifts, depth and creativity. He was a talented musician; many beautiful poems and songs were discovered on his computer; he cared deeply about the environment; he was mature beyond his years, aware and sensitive to the world around him. His loss seemed all the greater as we came to know these special aspects of him only on the day of his death and only because of his death.

We all know how tragedy breaks open our hearts and prompts us to connect with others in a profoundly authentic, raw and honest way. Yet we seem to need constant reminding of this painful fact – perhaps because we don’t realize just how closed our hearts have become until they are broken open by something too awful for us to contain.

Today was a particularly devastating reminder of this for me. Having returned to Ireland after living most of my life overseas, I reconnected with friends and extended family – some of whom I hadn’t seen for 30 years. The open-armed welcomes I received were enough to get me crying all over again. While I know, in my mind, that relationships are the only truly rewarding and fulfilling things in our lives, I hope that my heart won’t forget the power of loving connectedness that I experienced today.

YOUMEUS, our social network all about relationships, now has 100 members (YOUMEUS.ning.com). We are all gifted and special in many ways, and also full of hidden talents and depth. I hope that all of you will find something touching and worthwhile in this network to inspire you in your relationships – and to remind you that there’s really nothing more important than our connections with each other. Yet we all keep parts of ourselves hidden and unexpressed. Don’t wait for something tragic to prompt you to say or do something daringly loving, and to share a deeper part of yourself. Do it today, right now, if you can.