Can you choose?

It’s impossible to absorb or process all the numerous e-mails, invitations, blogs and messages that we receive, and most of us don’t try. But what if there were a greater, collective purpose to it all than we think? What if the overwhelm itself were the key issue of our times?

Where we’re coming from

We’re moving from an era of institutionalized thinking, wherein we’re told what to think and believe (by parents, teachers, religion), how to address particular problems (whether it’s through litigation, mediation or manipulation), and who to see if we’re sick (such as doctors, psychiatrists, etc), to an era of free choice, whereby we, as individuals, must decide what’s best for us and what we need to know in order to make healthy choices and decisions.

The challenge of personal choice

With the Internet, we have all the information and resources we need at our fingertips. But most of us have never been taught how to actively choose what’s best for us, since the mentality, up to now, has been one of deference to authority and reliance on experts to tell us how to proceed. We expect doctors to fix us when we’re sick; we expect therapists to help us understand and process our thoughts and feelings; we expect politicians to fix the economy; and we defer to lawyers, philosophers and even psychics for help in resolving challenges or conflict.

Why are we overwhelmed?

When we’re faced with all the options available to us via the Net, how can we begin to know what’s best for us or how to make healthy choices? We’re challenged not just to make the most appropriate decisions for our personal and professional needs, but also to focus on what truly serves us and frees us up to live better lives. The ability to make healthy boundaries is a key requirement in this new mode of operation. Without it, we quickly become dispersed and mentally/emotionally fragmented. By getting caught up in the plethora of options and the vast amount of data constantly coming at us, we’re missing the point.

What IS the point?

Choice, discernment and focus: these are the keys to surviving – and thriving – in our Internet-driven world, if we’re to stay sane and on track with our lives. And learning how to process our choices through our bodies, rather than our minds, is a skill that’s invaluable for anyone who truly wants to take charge of themselves and their lives.

Why our hearts ache

Lewis and I have just returned from the funeral of a 21-year-old who died tragically and unexpectedly, a few days ago. He was the son of my dearest and oldest friend, here in Ireland, and his death has devastated us. At the funeral service, the minister reminded us that we rarely realize the depth of our love until the loved one is separated from us. It became clear, during the service, that many of us were also unaware of this young man’s gifts, depth and creativity. He was a talented musician; many beautiful poems and songs were discovered on his computer; he cared deeply about the environment; he was mature beyond his years, aware and sensitive to the world around him. His loss seemed all the greater as we came to know these special aspects of him only on the day of his death and only because of his death.

We all know how tragedy breaks open our hearts and prompts us to connect with others in a profoundly authentic, raw and honest way. Yet we seem to need constant reminding of this painful fact – perhaps because we don’t realize just how closed our hearts have become until they are broken open by something too awful for us to contain.

Today was a particularly devastating reminder of this for me. Having returned to Ireland after living most of my life overseas, I reconnected with friends and extended family – some of whom I hadn’t seen for 30 years. The open-armed welcomes I received were enough to get me crying all over again. While I know, in my mind, that relationships are the only truly rewarding and fulfilling things in our lives, I hope that my heart won’t forget the power of loving connectedness that I experienced today.

YOUMEUS, our social network all about relationships, now has 100 members (YOUMEUS.ning.com). We are all gifted and special in many ways, and also full of hidden talents and depth. I hope that all of you will find something touching and worthwhile in this network to inspire you in your relationships – and to remind you that there’s really nothing more important than our connections with each other. Yet we all keep parts of ourselves hidden and unexpressed. Don’t wait for something tragic to prompt you to say or do something daringly loving, and to share a deeper part of yourself. Do it today, right now, if you can.